“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
“Why? I know You don’t really like when I do it but I’m not really hurting anyone. If it’s so wrong for me to do, surely You can tell me why…or at least show me in Scripture where to find it.”
Daddy simply gazed upon me and sighed. “Don’t you trust me?”
“Yes.” You’re just a little overly protective.
“What was that?”
“You complained that there was a distance between us the last time you did that, why risk that again? If you were ready to understand why you shouldn’t I would have explained that to you already but you aren’t able to fully understand yet. I will show you and teach you the things that are important for you to learn at this time.
So I would like for you to take Me at my word when I say it’s bad for you.
Fine! I’m sure I can find it on my own. I huffed and searched through Scripture after praying mechanical prayers for His Spirit’s guidance all the while not getting the answer to my question. He knows the answer I’m sure of it so why can’t He answer me now and then we can move on to the next lesson? This has happened so many times before and no matter how hard I try with my own might, I never get anywhere. Mostly at times like these, I get my answer days, months, or even years later!
“I need you to stay focused. So much time has been wasted on things you’re not ready for. I have a bigger mission to accomplish and I would like your help. Furthermore, are you telling me that if I simply show you where to find it in My Word, that’s all you’ll need to stop and obey me? I know what’s in your heart and this vice has a place in it, you won’t give it up so easily. That being said, you know how jealous I can be when it comes to your cherished things. Things that you won’t give up for anyone including Me so you can rest assure, I’ll address your question later. “
He’s always right, even if I hadn’t confessed everything to Him. He already knew I wasn’t going to be able to give up my habit so quickly. I wasn’t ready, I still enjoy it. I was just stalling for time. He called my bluff a few days later and showed me what I wanted (or didn’t want) to see in His Word. He was right, it was not all I needed to change that habit. My will was too weak so I gave up trying to stop and soon after other bad habits that I didn’t realize were linked to old ones appeared. I crossed lines that I never had before and did things I said I’d never do. I struggled for weeks later until finally I asked Him to take the desire away and replace it with something good for me. Thankfully He didn’t hold a grudge for me not trusting Him and being disobedient after I apologized. He took the reins after that, distracting me with gardening and other new found hobbies.
The Creator knows how our minds and our bodies react to things. Everyone is wired differently and He has the blueprints. He knows that one “little” cherished thing or habit can open the door for many others that we never had a problem with before. The best route for us to take is trust that He knows what’s best for His Creation. I’ve learned the hard way to let Him drive and enjoy the ride. It’s okay to ask Him questions on things I don’t understand but be willing to accept the answer He gives me.
Lord, my heart is not hearty. Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters. Nor with things too profound for me. Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul. Like a weaned child with his mother. Like a weaned child is my soul within me.