Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Healing After a Confession


I sighed. “There goes that sighing again what’s the matter?”
“Nothing.”
“I wish you wouldn’t lie to me, I know the truth.”
“Really, You’ve done so much for me already, I don’t really want for anything. I can think about so really bad scenarios that could be going on in my life right now that makes my situation look great. If You spoil me or chasten me I’ll still love You.”
“Thank You for that. But you said you wanted our relationship to grow. With that I’m going to require complete honesty from you and I need for you to trust me with a little more than what you’re comfortable with. Step out of your shell and willingly expose yourself to me. Don’t just tell me things that you think sound right or you think I want to hear. I know your heart, but I want you to surrender willingly to me.” I have been blocking and pushing people away because of this disease and every so often He’d tug at the Band-Aid I’ve put over it. I quickly replace the Band-Aid, knock His hand out of the way and change the subject. He’s not aggressive in healing me though and tries again later on only to receive the same treatment.
“Why don’t you trust me? Let me help you.”
“You can’t help! I mean I know you can but…I don’t deserve it, after all I’ve done this to myself. Whatever. just don't worry about it. It's fine. I'm ok.” We don’t deserve any of the gifts He gives us but He gives them anyway and wants us to ask for help anyway. I was fully aware of this but not fully ready to forgive myself for being so careless with my body, after all I knew better! I’d been to the seminars; I just didn’t think it happen the first time trying the unsafe thing. Plenty of people did it all the time, so what was just once right? Wrong!
“Do you think I can heal you?”
“No.”
“Ouch…” Arrgh! So there it is, now I’ve done it. I’ve hurt His feelings. But actually He knew all along which means I’ve been hurting Him for a while now.
“Sorry, I guess my faith is not where I thought.”
“It hurts that your faith in Me has waivered do to this, but I’m glad you’re being truthful to me. Are you ready to grow?”
“Uh oh.” I know that tone and that means He’s going to start nudging me out of my comfort zone like a mother eagle to her babies when teaching them to fly. I can feel His claw right at my back getting ready to push me out the nest. “I guess I’m ready. Scared, but whatever bring it on.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Rejection, ridicule, shunning, judgment….”
"So man…your peers, because you’re definitely not talking about Me. Although I’m sure when we we’re studying on fear we went over to not fear man and those who can destroy your body and not your soul. The fear you speak of comes from pride.”
“Ok, I know.”
“I need you to reach out to those who are going through the same isolation you’re going through. I want you to be a helpful reminder to them that I love them. I will not forsake them, I want to be everything to them and more importantly I want to heal the emotional wounds that was left because of it.”
One in two sexually active young people will get an STD by the age of 25.  Most young people with STDs don’t even know they have them. Getting tested is the only way to know for sure.  Every year there are more than 19 million new cases in the U.S. 
Left untreated, some STDs can cause infertility or increase your risk of getting cancer.  More than 50 percent of sexually active people will get HPV at some point during their lives.
Whether you’re someone who became infected with an std before you began your journey w/Christ or after, it can be a truly lonely and isolated experience. There seems to be a lot more resources and support for those who want to continue a secular lifestyle. I so happened to get HSV-2  (herpes) long before I met Him.  I’ve had a couple relationships after finding out but they weren’t built on the right things. As a matter of fact I met Him during my last relationship in which I told the young man that I no longer wanted to have premarital sex anymore. This was not to entice him into marriage because I was nowhere near ready to marry him; I just wanted to work on me.  Of course he was not okay with that so we soon parted ways. It’s been quite a few years since then and now I’m being led out of my comfort zone of secrecy to help those who feel all alone in their situation. It’s saddening that with this kind of issue; you’re more comfortable sharing with secular circles than your own church family. Especially since it’s a place for healing. Don’t get me wrong this is not a substitute for the ones you already fellowship with but an expansion to your family. I’ve looked around and have not found any support groups for those who now choose to live for Jesus, but because of prior sin have gotten an std. (Unless you’re trying a dating site, which was not what I was looking for). The purpose for this group is for fellowship, growth, and healing with Him. I have to admit that this circumstance has caused our relationship to thrive in that I can tell Him any and everything. He has truly been my best friend. 

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit Ps 34:18
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. 1Pet 3:8
 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.  1 John 1:7

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